In the last 14 hours I’ve wrestled four arms and feet into church clothes, play clothes, the bathtub and bed; cooked and cleaned three meals, two snacks, six spills and four ice cream cones; washed, dried, folded and put away seven loads of laundry; trucked to the grocery store, the gas station, the Dollar Store and Target; and mediated at least a dozen sibling squabbles while sorting LEGOS and sweeping chunks of dried Play-Doh off the kitchen floor.
This is my Sabbath Day.
Funny—it looks a lot different from my husband’s.
Because while I’ve been busting my housewife behind, he’s been lounging on the couch watching baseball. Reading the newspaper. Eating chips and checking e-mail.
And as I reach for the very last pair of underwear in the bottom of the laundry basket, he peels his eyes from the TV to glance at me and says—“Do you need any help?”
Do. I. Need. HELP?? Why, yes, sweet husband. Thanks for asking. I do need some help, actually. I need help understanding why you get to nap in a chair while I chop onions for your dinner. And then I need everyone in this family to stop wearing underwear so that I . . . don’t . . . have . . . to . . . WASH IT ANYMOOOOOOORE!!!
Recognize this lady? She’s not the wife or the mom. She’s the maid. And she isn’t just worn out—she’s steaming mad.
Because she works hard for her family and feels underpaid. She wants a break and doesn’t take one—even when everybody else does—because sometimes the laundry just needs to get done. And the poor old gal is sick and tired of sorting t-shirts and spreading peanut butter while the world spins on without her.
But then. I snatch that last laundry basket and huff toward the basement stairs. Through the kitchen. Past the refrigerator—where my eyes catch a wrinkled sheet of printer paper, tacked above the ice dispenser with a blue alphabet magnet. It highlights these words:
“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality,” (Romans 12:9–13).
I stuck these verses to the fridge months ago when I was struggling with something totally unrelated to housework. It was the “be joyful in hope, patient in affliction” part that spoke to me then. But now the entire passage takes on a whole new meaning. Be devoted to one another . . . honor one another above yourselves . . . serving the Lord . . . practice hospitality.
In my Bible, the heading of this passage is “Love in Action.” And who do I love best?
My family.
Ouch.
I’ve been looking at my husband all wrong. I’m not his maid. I’m the love of his life. And love shows itself through action. Through serving and sacrifice. Through dishes and sweeping and cooking and laundry.
Do you see your housework that way? Maybe it’s not a chore so much as an expression of affection for the people we serve. And if that’s the case, no mound of underwear could possibly be tall enough to demonstrate my love for the man who sits on the couch while I fold his drawers.
Yes, sometimes I’d like him to pitch in more. And quite frankly, he wishes I’d chill out. Because then maybe I’d notice that between rest stops, my husband mowed the lawn. He grilled the chicken. He fixed the clog in the sink. He does his fair share. He’s just better at relaxing than I am.
So next Sunday, I’m going to take a cue from my hubby and join him on the couch for the ball game. I’ll bring him a bag of chips and a basket of my socks—which he can fold.
Because he looooves me. Right, babe?
If this post encouraged you, please pass it on. You might also like When Hubby Leaves His Socks on the Floor, How to Marry Your Husband All Over Again, Nobody Notices When I Sweep the Floor, and Queen of the Castle: A Fresh Perspective on Housework.
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Linking up with: The Better Mom, Playdates With God, Momma Notes, Titus 2sdays, Wedded Wednesday, Wifey Wednesday, Women Living Well, Grace at Home, Thriving Thursdays and Things I Can't Say.
A timely post for me. Thanks for the encouragement and new perspective.
ReplyDeleteCourtney
Thanks for reading, Courtney!
DeleteThis is great! I was all gun ho ready to vent on how I feel like a maid as well and then came the text and the truth of it all. You are so right. Thank you for the kick in the rear and that bit of enlightenment. I've been stuck in 'tired of being a maid' mode but I too need to take a step back and at times a seat and think why I do it all. Great Post!
ReplyDeleteWe all need to take that step back, right? You're not alone!
DeleteI really needed to hear this today. My husband pitches more than most husbands I know, but I still get overwhelmed with the work it requires having three small kids at home. It just never ends with the diapers, laundry, meals, and clean up. I'm going to try looking at my housework with the love perspective.
ReplyDeleteYou're so right, it never ends... which is why the only thing we can really change is our attitude toward it all. I'm working on this right along with you.
DeleteThis is such a great post! I truly needed it today too. I felt like I've been nothing more than my husband's maid lately, but in reality that's definitely not the case. It's just life has been extremely hectic for us both. I've been working hard at making my new business venture online take off and getting my blog back up to where it was prior to two months of technical issues. He's taken on a new job with lots of major responsibilities that makes him work long hours. Plus school has started back. So, life has made us separate some.
ReplyDeleteWhen that happens, I start to have these negative feelings too. So, I'm glad you gave me the reminder that I am showing my husband love by doing my part of the work load and being his "help mate" when I cook and clean for him.
Bless you, Crystal - it sounds like you're in a hectic season for sure. The negative feelings are normal, I think, but what we do with them makes all the difference. Keep reminding yourself the chores are all part of loving your family! And I'll do the same.
DeleteWhat a positive perspective. Sometimes I feel resentful when all the housework falls to me and I feel like I never get a break. But by doing all these things for my family, I'm showing them love.
ReplyDeleteThis is good. I've never thought about that verse in light of marriage and housework before. I definitely need to practice more patience.
ReplyDeleteThis was often a sticking point for me and my husband years ago, Becky, until I did what you've done here--love him. And along with that love comes the realization, like you've noticed, of all that my husband does and contributes. Gratitude really leaves no room for grumbling. But I hear ya, girlfriend! It's tough being a young mom and wife. I'm glad I'm not "there" anymore! But my hat is tipped to you as you live in the trenches!
ReplyDeleteOkay, yes, I struggle with this. I also struggle with the fact that my husband doesn't work and I do, yet he still gets to relax. I'm going to pray about this and see what it is supposed to be speaking to me. There's a reason I read this today... Thank you
ReplyDeleteGirl, I have been there! Some days I think I LIVE there! lol. But, I think that it's my responsibility to make the time for a Sabbath day, and in doing that I can take the lead of those who have gone before me, you know...back when the Sabbath actually meant something to more people. They prepared for it. They worked harder on other days of the week to get everything done and ready. My mamaw would cook on Saturday and/or make sure that there were quick type meals so that there wasn't even a lot of cooking on the Sabbath. I need to learn from that. Because when I'm resenting my husband's rest...for the most part it's my own fault that I don't slow down and make time for my own.
ReplyDelete